Every year, Samford offers students and the community the opportunity to hear from their favorite authors during the Tom and Marla Corts Distinguished Author Series. This year’s author was Lysa Terkeurst, a seven-time New York Times bestselling author and the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries.
She spoke in the Wright Center on March 3 at 7 p.m. about a topic of one of her books, “Good Boundaries and Goodbyes.”
Her biggest intent going into her message was to communicate the importance of boundaries in healthy relationships and God’s emphasis of such importance.
The first thing that she spoke on was the purpose of setting these guidelines: to have effective communication tools that allow us to hold onto our safety, our sanity and our stability. It’s about your own well-being, not pushing people away, shutting them out or shoving them towards something else.
She gave biblical examples of the Lord establishing boundaries during Creation and with Adam and Eve. In Genesis chapters one and two, God separated the light from the darkness and the water from the sky.
God also established a boundary with Adam and Eve that they could eat from every tree but one, the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and there would a consequence of death if this boundary was not respected. The Lord established that boundary, not to put limitations on them, but out of love. According to Terkeurst, God specified the exact tree so that they wouldn’t second-guess themselves every time they ate from one of the trees.
“You see, boundaries are not just a good idea, they are actually God’s idea,” said Terkeurst.
She also emphasized that high access requires high boundaries. Someone who cannot take care of your heart, your secrets or have any real responsibility in your life should not be given as much access to those things as someone who has proven that they are.
This also means that you cannot put expectations on someone that they cannot meet, nor can you put pressure on yourself to fix them when those attempts will typically lead only to temporary behavior modifications.
This portion of her talk stuck out to me in particular because this was something that I have struggled with in my own relationships. I think as we enter new seasons with new people, we want to find our people, especially as college students. This rings true when it appears as if everyone else has already found them.
In this eagerness to catch up to others, we find ourselves opening up to people before they have proven they can be trusted. We give them high access when we do not know if they can be responsible with the lowest level of that access. In Proverbs 4:23, we are called to “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”
Terkeurst also discussed how we cannot give our all to everyone.
“Only God has unlimited ability to give and when we start acting like we have no human limitations, we basically are acting like we are God when we try to give all things to all people all the time,” said Terkeurst.
She said that when you try to give unlimited access of yourself to the people around you, you will be worn out and the worst version of yourself. That worst version is what the people you do trust get as well.
Terkeurst went on to talk about how to establish boundaries with people. It’s not about limiting the person but placing the boundary on yourself. You cannot control the person, but you can control yourself and your own actions. You do not need to degrade the other person or make them feel bad for your need for a boundary. It’s healthy communication in a relationship.
In healthy relationships, forgiveness is also a key element. Terkeurst emphasized that forgiveness is not for the other person, but for yourself. It gives you a chance to heal. You may not receive an apology, but you will find healing in forgiving and letting it go.
The final thing that she talked about was placing our hope in the only one who should have it: God.
This event was not just an author’s visit, in my opinion, but a way for the Lord to move through Terkeurst and speak into the lives of those in attendance. Boundaries seem like such a complicated thing, and they may be, especially at first, but they lead to healthy, biblical relationships.
This is a message that I think should be heard by many, but particularly on college campuses where so many are forming new relationships. I personally felt moved by what she was saying and it helped to put many things in perspective for me.
In my opinion, this night was a powerful display of how the Lord is present and desires the best for His children, even if it doesn’t mean that things will always be easy.
Arts & Life Editor
