DISCLAIMER: This is a satirical column.
Surely, dear reader, sometime in your first year here at Samford, you had an event that summoned you to Brock Forum. You came to the understandable conclusion that surely, Brock Forum would be located somewhere in the Brock School of Business. So, you took the hike up the hill, and, likely, several flights of stairs, only to find that Brock Forum was nowhere to be seen.
Then, when you did eventually find Brock Forum, it was several buildings over, in Dwight Beeson Hall. What?
This is an issue on our campus. For example, we have Brock Recital Hall, Brock School of Business, Brock Forum, Buck Brock Commons and, in case you weren’t confused enough, Brooks! The Alumni Center, School of Education, Divinity School, University Center and law library are all named after the Beesons.
Depending on your major, or where you live, or what you usually do, the phrases “going to Beeson” or “meet me at Brock” can mean completely different things.
I propose, therefore, that we simply rename each building on Samford’s campus according to a new system: the left side of campus will be the Brock side, and the right side will be Beeson (so that Beeson Woods can retain its name, of course).
On the Brock side, the buildings will be named, for example, Brock One, Brock Two, Brock Three, and so forth. The right side will follow a similar pattern: Beeson One, Beeson Two, Beeson Three, et cetera.
Students can navigate using this number system. No more, “I’m going to Brock!” met with, “Which one?” Students will simply be able to say, “Meet me in Brock Two!”
Important buildings, though, should have the honor of using both of these beloved names. Reid Chapel, the library, and the university center on central campus, for example, can all be Brock Beeson. (Since students have taken to calling the library “the Lib,” and the university center “the UC” this wouldn’t affect students’ navigation).
Everyone knows that, were you to look at the original blueprints, the names of the new freshman dormitories weren’t supposed to be Gaston and Mann; they were going to be Brock and Beeson. The university should forgo the pretense that they want to name buildings anything else. They should lean into it!
Samford should hardline into what are, clearly, their two favorite names, implement a number system, and make things easier for everyone.
Staff Reporter
