Disclaimer: This is a satirical column.
Halloween: a controversial holiday, especially among strict Christian culture. It holds the potential to be demonic, violent, eerily spiritual — these qualities can be most prevalently seen in the practice of costuming. Many costumes are inappropriate , whether that be due to a surplus of fake blood, the carrying of a mock weapon or just not that much coverage. The problem: Halloween at Samford may be too disturbing without regulation. My solution: Samford needs a dress code for Halloweekend.
This dress code would have the best interest of students in mind. Nothing good can come from gore, or even the suggestion of it. So, here are the costume guidelines:
- No fake blood
- No fake weapons
- No midriff exposed
- No bottoms shorter than knee length
- No clowns, zombies, vampires, serial killers, etc…
- Boys must wear a shirt
- No angels or devils- sacrilege
- No masks — must be able to see a person’s entire face
If when you are deciding a costume and you are unsure if your choice fits this list, that most likely means it is a big fat no. Anything even slightly suggestive of the guidelines will be taken away or you will be asked to change- do not worry, you are not in trouble, just publicly shamed for defying the rules.
What characters can you go as, then? The options are endless! This is a prime opportunity to be creative. A princess, cartoon character or animal is a great option, yes, but be unique! Maybe you and two buddies decide to go as rock, paper and scissors. Or maybe you and your best friend dress up as an owl and a Tootsie Pop. Or, just maybe, you and your significant other win a contest since you two decided to go as the moon and the tide, representing the pull you have towards each other. All of these costumes are innocent, outstanding of others’ and would be far more fun than spending hours on gruesome makeup.
Here is a very realistic scenario that might happen without a Halloween dress code: a student makes the bold decision to dress up as a devil. She wears a sharp red tail, red horns on her head and carries an uncanny pitchfork with costume blood dripping from her mouth and splattered onto her deep red dress. The next thing you know, the girl everyone knows was homeschooled growing up sees her costume through the most atrocious, nauseating and horrifying lens. She throws up, then passes out, then wakes up very scared that she saw a devil spawn.
Samford is in desperate need of a Halloween dress code as you can see. We do not welcome any negative behavior on this campus.
