DISCLAIMER: This article is purely satire
There are a lot of ways economists measure a recession. Unemployment. Consumer spending. GDP. The yield curve, whatever that is.
I think I have a better one… the Moe’s bowl.
Something is happening at Moe’s Southwest Grill, and I refuse to be gaslit about it. The bowls are getting shallower. What used to be a respectable vessel, capable of holding enough rice, beans and queso to sustain a college student through their afternoon classes has been replaced by its slimmer, shallower cousin, the Moe-zempic bowl.
Same circumference. Less depth. Suspicious.
Economists call this “shrinkflation,” when companies quietly reduce the amount of product you receive rather than dramatically raising the price. I call it a warning from the universe.
Forget the inverted yield curve. When your meal swiped Moes Bowl starts looking more like a Moes Plate, it might be time to start rationing your Bulldog Bucks.
The Moezempic bowl may be the most reliable economic indicator available to the average college student. We don’t make a habit of monitoring the Federal Reserve, but we do know exactly how much chicken used to fit under the queso.
And this is bigger than Moe’s. First, the bowl gets shallower. Then the chips get thinner. Suddenly, queso is being distributed with an eyedropper and “Welcome to Moe’s!” becomes “Welcome to Moe’s, additional guac is $17.”
I’m not saying students should panic. I’m just saying if my $12 lunch is getting smaller while my bank account is already fighting for its life, something is deeply I’m not saying students should panic. I’m just saying if my $12 lunch is getting smaller while my bank account is already fighting for its life, something is deeply wrong.
The Moezempic bowl has spoken, recession incoming..
Staff Reporter
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